The Flaw In The Jedi Code
by Red Rose Inc
Summary: A series of oneshots in which a young academy of Jedi struggle with growing up under the restricting Jedi Code and struggle with the sexual repression of their religion.
1. Chapter 1

Author: Bloodofmygrandfather  
A/N: A short about the sexual repression of the Jedi code and the negative impact that it could have on some of it's students to suppress something natural and make it seem dirty.

* * *

He had a problem. A terrible one at that. He was lucky enough that his robes hid the problem from view at least. The very thought of any of the other students finding out about this was the worst he could think about. He spent his nights aching and painful. It has kept him from sleep even. Days without sleep. He was reluctant at first, but he finally went to his uncle to confess this terrible darkness that was burning inside of him.

"How can I cleanse myself of this darkness uncle? Please, tell me."

"You must focus on the light, Ben. The force. Meditate." Luke's only advice was for him to meditate. "You mustn't give in. You know why this has been forbidden. You know what it did to your grandfather. This is the darkside trying to trick you and draw you in. Resist."

This was Jedi Master Luke's advice. It wasn't enough. It wasn't enough. It didn't ease the burning under his skin. The fever. He tried so hard to meditate in the first place, but to no avail. Especially when no matter how hard he tried his mind kept wondering to her. To the girl. She was so beautiful. The epitome of light and he just wanted so badly to feel the warmth. Like the warmth of sun on your skin. Yes, he wanted to feel her on his skin.

 _Rey_. His fellow student here at the academy.

Now he sat on his bed desperately trying to mediate and focus on anything other than her, but it was impossible. The little fantasies would spring up in his mind and the ache would only intensify when he thought about her. About touching her. Her touching him. His memory would draw up the times he watched her training. Panting with exertion and he wondered what it would be like to have her panting under him while he-

"No..." He gritted his teeth and dropped back onto his bed and rolled onto his side, pressing a hand against himself, half tempted to touch himself and half tempted to cause pain and see if that would make this go away.

He curled in on himself and cursed this terrible thing. This thing between his thighs. Deep in his gut. He couldn't control this yearning. It was disgusting. All these year of being a good Jedi and obeying the code so strictly and this was his reward. This insanity. He couldn't tell if it was his mind that was sick or his body or both. _Both_. It had to be both. It had to be a trick of the darkside trying to make him break the code. There was no other explanation. This would be another sleepless night.

* * *

End part 1


	2. Chapter 2

A/N: This chapter gave me flashbacks to my old classes... minus the sexiness?

* * *

"Well done." Luke Skywalker praised his young students after their duel had ended with a small round of applauds. "That was an excellent fight. I'm very proud of you. Next up... Rey you will be dueling the winner."

This was the girl that had won the attention of his nephew he noted. It was a tricky situation that he knew needed to be avoided. He knew that he could not allow his nephew to fall into the exact same footsteps that his father had. It worried him that was what seemed to be taking place, but he had high hopes that his nephew could overcome this darkside temptation with enough meditation and practice.

Luke was pulled from his thoughts when he noticed Rey down her opponent and the padawan was forced to put his hands up in surrender. Yes, she showed the most potential out of all his students. She may be the one he could leave the school to when his time came. Once he might have considered Ben, but he had too hot of a temper. Too much boiling rage and anger beneath the suffice. Too much frustration.

"Well done, Rey." He casually glanced among the students that sat around the arena awaiting their turn. Luke considered excluding him, but he knew he must force his nephew to defeat this darkness inside of him. "Ben... you're up."

There was a hesitant expression on Ben's face as he eyed Rey wearily. He did not want to do this at all. Not because he had qualms about fighting her, but rather because he could not stand the thought that he might accidentally make contact with her. There was little choice now as he moved to stand opposite of her.

"Begin."

Both drew up their practice sabers in their own personalized stances. The dull yellow would only give a shock to the unfortunate padawan that got on the wrong end of it. The match started intensely as it always did when these two fought, sabers clashing with all the force that they could muster. Ben was aggressive and powerful. Had it been anyone other than Rey battling him Luke suspected that they would have lost already. He was twice her size and yet Rey was nimble enough to get away before he could do damage. She made him exert himself, but at the same time she brought herself too close to the edge.

"Stop turning your back on me..." He warned as he backed her up further. "If it were a real fight I'd have stabbed you when you turned away and been done with it."

"If this were a real fight you'd be on the ground bleeding." She shot back. The blades clashed with another spark and Ben made a hard push to the edge of the mats because he knew if he could push her out of bounds he would be the winner.

Rey would have none of it, though she struggled with him practically straddling her she managed to step aside and he almost fell out himself, but caught himself and turned to try and defend himself, but the practice blade nicked him and gave him a painful jolt. That only spurred him on. Made him more aggressive. That was his mistake. Rey struck him in the leg, numbed it so badly he could hardly stand. He lashed out like a wounded animal at her and it only cost him another jab to the left shoulder. The next strike he raised his blade to defend himself and Rey kicked him straight in the stomach, sending him right back down.

He glanced up at her from his spot on the ground and licked his lips briefly before he forced himself up and rushed her to grab a hold of her wrist and keep her saber at bay and somehow or another they ended up closely pressed against one another. She struggled against him, tried to squirm her way out of it, but it was a stalemate.

She noticed the warmth of his harsh breathing against her cheek before she noticed the way his body was pressing into her side. The two of them weren't particularly close and they didn't talk much, but for some reason there was something about the feel of him against her that she couldn't exactly explain. He wasn't even fighting anymore, just leaning against her.

That was when she noticed something was off, felt something pressed against her side and she frowned at him.

"Really? You can't beat me with one so you bring an extra lightsaber?" She questioned quietly enough that only he could hear.

His face fell as he quickly glanced down between them. That was her chance. She used his strength against him and drew her hand down along with his to strike his own saber from his hand and knock him back with a quick strike to the face.

A little too hard. He fell back onto the mats with a broken nose that gushed blood. She was caught up in the heat of the moment, but seeing him now made her immediate feel bad for having hit him so hard. Though as she looked over him she didn't see a second lightsaber. He must have hidden it in his robes. The sneaky cheater.

"Congratulations Rey." Luke praised her while Ben scrambled up onto his feet before anything could be done about his face and left the room altogether.

It had to be the most embarrassing moment he had ever faced in all his life. She had almost discovered him. He was so very grateful that she had only thought he brought another lightsaber along and was ignorant to the truth. It was a single mercy in this misery. And not only that, but his shame that he had enjoyed that fight far more than he should. That he had liked the pain was brought up in his mind as well. Yes. He deserved every second of that pain. He should have had more of it, but even that didn't even make the feelings go away. It made it worse if anything. Disgusting. He was a disgusting creature.

He was cursed. The shadow was surrounding him, getting darker and darker. Once he was in the safety of his own room he dropped onto his knees and held his head in his hand. He was not the sort that acted like this. He was supposed to be a man and yet despite all this the absolute **_shame_ ** that he felt overtook him and he felt the warm tears start to spill over as his breathing came out in ragged sobs. This guilt was eating him alive. He knew it would be yet another sleepless night.


	3. Chapter 3

A/N: Rey's POV

* * *

There were secretes at this academy. Everybody had them of course. It wasn't so unusual. It would be more strange if someone didn't have them. Rey's secrete just happened to be that when she couldn't sleep at night she would take strolls under the moonlight. Not the most bone-chilling secrete she knew, but it was just a little forbidden to be out after curfew and it gave her a little thrill.

This night was perfect if not a little chilly. The moon above was bright enough that she required no other light to see the path before her. Even had it not been she was familiar enough with the path in the gardens that she could walk along it blind if she needed to. Knew it by heart.

Nights here were peaceful. It was a wonderful reprieve from the early mornings in which the academy was in a constant state of chaos. Always students buzzing about and making a moments peace near impossible. Of course it was nice to have other people around and not be lonely, but one could only stand so much of other people before they needed a short break from them.

Whatever momentary peace didn't last this night in particular. A sound interrupted her. She would have shrugged it off, but then another sound and she strayed off the path to make her way towards it, hand on her lightsaber in preparation for trouble. Sometimes the animals of this planet got onto academy grounds and caused trouble. She knew that if it came down to it she might have to take it down before it did harm to any of the other students.

However the site she was greeted by in the thicket of the woods was not an animal... rather it was two students in the distance. First she thought perhaps a midnight spar and then she worried it was a fight, but finally she came to the realization it was neither of those things. Though confused at first it suddenly clicked into place. Rey was familiar with it. Though it might be something that was off limits they were still taught a sort of sexual education and then promptly advised against these actions as it was befitting of Jedi to form attachments. Attachment led to the darkside. Created an open portal so to speak.

Rey knew that Luke would want to know about this, but she couldn't bring herself to destroy this thing between two people. It was a reminisce of a painting. Art. Beautiful. So she would pretend that she saw nothing. She backed away to give them their privacy when suddenly her back struck something solid and warm. So much warmer than the cold night air.

She quickly turned to find Ben Solo behind her. The expression on his face as he noticed the two students was a twisted up grimace.

"This needs to be reported to Master Luke immediately."

"Why? They're not hurting anything." Rey tried to argue, but he was stubborn as ever.

"It's forbidden." He turned to make his way back to the academy and she quickly followed after him, grabbing him by the arm when they reached the gardens again.

"You can't."

"It's my duty to report it. If not they risk falling to they dark side."

"Did you feel the darkside there through any of that? All I sensed was the love they felt for each other. Don't you sense it in the force? How can something like that possibly be bad?"

"It's disgusting." He responded in a low hiss and she recoiled a little.

"You think it's disgusting?" She asked him in surprise. "I think it's beautiful... to love someone like that."

The harsh scowl on his face slowly dissolved and his shoulders lowered from their tense position. Rey thought that she must have gotten through to him because he wasn't trying to get back so quickly. He held his hands up to show that he wasn't going anywhere and she released his sleeve once she realized she was still holding on to him.

She took the time to really take in his appearance and realized how unwell he looked. The dark under his eyes a telltale sign that he had not been sleeping lately and that light sheen of sweat that covered his face.

"You look sick." She said quietly, though his only response was to look away. Reaching up she lightly touched his face, felt the warmth of his fever and felt especially guilty for having been so rough on him during their match. "I'm sorry, Ben. Try and get some rest."

She didn't know what to make of the expression that crossed his face then and before he had time to react he had leaned down, closer to her on an impulse and she felt his mouth against hers. Warm. Soft even. It was hard to tell if it lingered on forever or lasted only a second. The next thing she knew was that she was left standing there stunned while he hurriedly left.

Rey reached up a hand and covered her mouth with the realization. Ben Solo liked her. The temperamental Ben Solo actually liked her. A lot of things made sense now and with a groan of despair she realized it. He hadn't brought a spare lightsaber to their match.


	4. Chapter 4

Author's Notes: Finally gotten around to another shot. This one is REALLY rated mature for adult situations.

* * *

"I don't like you like that."

Rey was afraid of the impact that her words were going to have on him, but she had to tell him the truth. She didn't like him in the way that he liked her and he needed to know so that he could move on. Find someone else to like.

Whatever she expected this wasn't it. He shifted from one foot to the other and looked off into the distance and then at the ground... back to some distant place. It was as awkward for him as it was for her it appeared.

"Okay." He answered then and turned to leave.

"Okay?" She questioned. "You're not going to get angry?"

She never thought that she would want to see Ben Solo get angry and have one of his tantrums, but anything was better than this. It was the look on his face that bothered her so much. It was so blank. So empty. It was almost worse than if he were to look upset or hurt. Of course she didn't want him to be hurt or upset. That was the furthest thing from what she wanted.

"No." And with that he didn't wait for another question and walked away from her. He left her standing there stunned.

There was something along the lines of guilt building up. It was that uneasy feeling that made one's stomach churn. Maybe she shouldn't have said anything at all? What if he reacted later? What if he hurt someone because of what she said?

She could do nothing, but wait and see.

Weeks passed and none of her fears turned to fruition. The only thing that happened was that Ben Solo no longer lost his temper with people. In fact he didn't show any emotion at all anymore. He had withdrawn so far into himself that even Luke began to confess his worries to Lor San Tekka.

And she felt it was her fault. She knew that she had to do something... try something to try and rectify that. She waited until after classes to approach him.

"Ben... can you help me study?" It was odd or anything. He was her senior. He had more knowledge than her. He had taken these classes and passed with flying colors.

"What?" His voice came out low and quiet, but the confusion that was there was very obvious. He furrowed his brow and then looked down at the ground.

"I can find someone else... I understand why you wouldn't want to." She didn't actually need the help. She was just trying to figure out some way to try and make him feel better. Maybe if she talked to him about things she could make him understand.

"No... I'll help you." He hurried to correct her misconception.

Awkward. She thought as she followed him back to his room. He was so awkward. Maybe that was the problem he had with other people. It wasn't so much his temper. It was that he was so very awkward.

His room was an attic room in Luke's personal home here at the academy grounds. It wasn't because Luke had tried to store him away or anything like that. It was because Ben was a recluse. It seemed there was a lot she didn't know about him. She wondered how he could be happy in such a small room with only one window. He seemed comfortable though.

It was so empty. It almost felt like a prison, but it was by his own making. That told her that he liked things sterile. Grey walls, beige carpet... mattress on the floor shoved up against the single window which blocked out some of the light. A desk... and that was it. That was all there was to his room.

"I actually thought your room would be a little more... full?"

"With what?" He asked while taking a seat on his bed. "Attachments are forbidden."

"Ben, I don't think... you're meant to take it quite that far. You can have a few nice things that make you happy as long as you don't put their value above everything else." She realized that he didn't quite like her suggestion and decided it was best if she stayed quiet. "I just thought... you might like something to liven up your room... that's all."

It seemed that just made things even more awkward. Here he was helping her and she had come in and likely insulted his living space.

"What subject did you need help with?" He finally broke the silence.

"Oh." Right. She hadn't thought she would get this far and she needed to think something up right away. He was so strict. She knew exactly what she would say that would sound believable. "The doctrine. I'm so... messy in my understanding of it."

"I can tell." He answered with a stoic expression. She grimaced. Right. Of course he would say that. Moving over he made room for her on the bed and she cautiously took a place next to him and handed him her datapad. "Where are you most confused?"

"Uhm..." Right. Now what? She was just winging it as she went along.

"I'll start at the beginning then." With a little sigh and powered on the datapad and scrolled to the doctrine section. It was at the beginning. "I am an instrument of peace. Where there is hatred I shall bring love. Where there is injury, pardon. Where there is doubt, faith. Where there is despair, hope. Where there is darkness, light. And where there is sadness, joy."

Rey titled her head to the side a little as she listened to him. She knew it well enough, but he spoke with a certain sort of conviction. She felt like maybe she was seeing Ben Solo for the first time, because this wasn't the same man that attended classes at the academy.

"I will make sure all my choices are grounded in reason and compassion, not in fear or prejudice. I will oppose the use of torture and cruel or unusual punishment." He continued on.

She wondered if his voice had always been this deep and soothing or if she was only noticing it just now. He wasn't what everyone said he was... he wasn't what she had initially thought he was. He was so much more than that and he had liked her... and she hurt him.

"Ben..."

"The Three Tenets. Wisdom. Knowledge. Focus-"

"Ben." She tried again to draw him out of his speech and he shook his head.

"What? Do I need to repeat something? We still have The Sixteen Teachings and the Twenty-One-mmm!" His words were cut off when she kissed him. It was intoxicating. All consuming and for a moment he gave in. Returned her kiss with equal intensity. Then he quickly drew away. "No... Rey... I pledged myself to the Jedi path with all its duties and responsibilities. I-I... promised to uphold the Jedi teachings... and t-to live a life worthy of a Jedi. This is... this... it's wrong."

"You admitted to me that you liked me before... and I just hurt your feelings in return." Rey wasn't really sure what she was doing here. It wasn't what she had intended. She had come to try and help him work through it not dig him in deeper. "I think you still like me."

"Jedi must not have wants." His voice cracked slightly. "We've sworn to celibacy."

"Am I wrong?" She wanted to know if she should back out now.

"No." He admitted guiltily. "I liked kissing you..."

"That isn't wrong."

"Rey... you didn't come here because you needed help did you?" Of course he had caught on and that made him shift uncomfortably. He wasn't sure what he should think about this and so he scrolled through the datapad briefly to see if there was anything. Maybe her math needed a little work, but... he didn't see anything.

"No." She answered and reached to take her datapad away from him to set it aside. "I didn't come here for this either. I just... wanted to apologize. I shouldn't have been so cold about it."

He didn't move or say anything for several moments, but he then inched a little closer to her and brought his hands up to hold her face as he tilted his head to the side and kissed her. It started off as simple and then her hands were in his hair and the kiss deepened. He wasn't sure who did it. Her or him. They were likely both guilty.

He was burning up. He was on fire. Every inch of his skin was crying out and aching for her touch. He inhaled sharply through his nose and dragged his tongue along her lips. It was pure instinct and the little gasp that left her parted her lips enough for him to slip inside.

It wasn't meant to happen like this, but here they were getting carried away. He drew back suddenly and shifted again with a grimace. It was only a momentary distraction before he moved to kiss her again, but she stopped him.

"Wait, what's wrong?"

"Nothing..." He tried and made another attempt to pick up from where he left off. She wouldn't have it. She kept her hands against his chest. He placed a hand against the source of many of his problems in an attempt to hide himself. "I'm sorry... I've tried to control myself, but I can't."

"Oh." Rey moved her hands down to find the waist of his pants. The Academy still taught the specifics of how the body worked. She wasn't ignorant to it. She would be lying if she said she wasn't having a reaction to him. She slipped her fingers into the waist of his pants. "Can I?"

His jaw went slack and he could only nod, because yes he was weak and he so badly wanted her to touch him. Rey had to bite her lip when she slipped her hand inside and felt him. There was so much of it that it was intimidating, but he was a very big man and what else had she been expecting?

Right. He was waiting patiently. She traced her fingers up the underside and found he was surprisingly smooth. Warm. Almost hot. She felt him twitch beneath her fingers and realized he was still waiting. The only problem was she didn't know exactly what to do.

"I don't-"

"It's fine." He replied pressing his mouth over hers again before he reached to untie her robes and she let him. They had already crossed a line. Once they were open he shoved them apart and spread his hand out along her stomach. His hand was so large it took up nearly the entire expanse of her stomach.

Sliding it up he cupped her breast and took her mouth with his again, drinking in the little sound she made. Shoving his hips forward into her hand he let out a huff of breath and then quickly reached down into his pants alongside her and squeezed her hand tightly around him.

Whatever control he'd had... if he'd had any at all was lost. He dragged his mouth across her jawline and placed kisses all the way down her neck, painted a wet line with his his tongue down over her collar bone and then lower where he took her breast into his warm mouth and sucked with a deep groan.

She gasped and brought up both hands to entangled into his hair. It was too much. Almost more than she could bare.

It was like a silent agreement between them. They both knew they couldn't wait any longer and with that thought in mind he slid his hands down her stomach and into the waist of her pants to pull them down her thighs. She laid back and allowed him to pull them the rest of the way off and toss them aside.

He moved up onto his knees as she sat up to help him tug down on his pants, managing to get them halfway down to let him free and give him some relief from being restrained. He didn't even finish pulling them off and placed his hands against her thighs, spreading them so he could settle in-between them.

Except she panicked and quickly tried to close them, but only ended up accidentally banging her knee into his ribs. He let out a little grunt and quickly glanced up to her face. She could see his fears there, but she slowly loosened up and allowed him to continue. He still hesitated for a moment to be sure.

He slid his hand down between them and brushed his fingers between her thighs and then he closed his eyes and let out a little breath when he felt just how wet she was. That coupled with the knowledge that she was like this because of him pushed him over the edge. There was no possible way he could wait any longer. Gathering it up on his fingers he smoothed them over himself to make things a little easier.

While he did that Rey did her best to struggle with shaking hands and untie the front of his robes, because she wanted to touch him. The nerves were getting to her, but she wasn't going to back out now. No. That would be impossible.

Successfully getting them untied she slipped her hands inside and pressed her fingertips to his bare chest. There were a few times when she had felt his muscles during sparing, but it was through his clothing and she hadn't thought that much of it. Now it took on an entirely different meaning.

She felt him press the tip at her entrance. Her thoughts evaporated when he finally slipped inside of her. There was the initial pain, but at the same time it felt too good to focus on just the pain.

He let out a long, low groan of pure pleasure as he slipped in deeper. It was unbelievably good. So much so that she thought surely this had to be a dream. The head was so big… the flared crown so rigid that she felt each little pull as he shifted inside of her to try and work himself further inside. She was starting to doubt he could get any deeper.

"Ben, I don't think-"

"It's not-... you're too tense. Relax." He requested between gritted teeth. It was hard for her to tell if he was in pain as well.

"Does it hurt?"

"Not... like you think."

She let out a breath and again he shifted inside her... and that was when he slipped the last few inches inside. His long, drawn out groan went straight to the bottom of her stomach and she felt herself tensing around him. She could feel the edge of his head rubbing deep inside, hitting something she never even knew existed. Something that nearly had her sobbing with pleasure.

"Ben..." She reached up to grab him, sink her nails into his shoulders. She needed something to hold onto.

"Hurts?" He paused and she shook her head abruptly, because she couldn't stand it if he stopped even for a minute.

"No. It's good." She squeezed her thighs around his hips and shoved up into him. "It's so good."

She watched the way he licked his lips and then finally, finally started to actually rock into her instead of minor little shifts. He was a little too overzealous in his thrusting because he kept slipping out. It might not help that she was absolutely soaked. Her wetness had already started running down her thighs.

"Rey..." He pressed back into her with a little groan and tried to learn how to move in her properly. She supposed that this was a learning process as well. Like training.

He leaned over her a placed his mouth over hers. His kisses were surprisingly gentle at first and then as he sped up his thrusts into her and slid a hand down her thigh to pull it up higher so that he could get in even deeper he took advantage of her little mewl and slipped his tongue in.

His little growl as he slipped deeper left her breathless... had her trembling and clenching around him... had her seeing stars and he still ground into her through it, drawing it out.

As she came down from her high she was a little more aware of things. She was much more aware of the little grunt at the end of each stroke and the way that he leaned over her further to kiss her again. From the sounds of it she almost thought he was enjoying it more than her. If that was even possible.

"I love you." His words came out strained and she felt her breath catch in her throat. How was she meant to react to that? It was a big leap from him admitting he liked her. As much as she wanted to try and figure out what to say she didn't have enough time to work through it.

It didn't take long for things to build up again. He started to grind in and out with short, deep strokes, keeping mostly buried in her. He was gradually perfecting the art.

It hit her harder than ever. She cry out in disbelief as she feel a third building up inside. A few strokes later, it let go - leaving her breathless and seeing stars once more. She spasmed around him and he cursed under his breath.

A particularly vulgar obscenity. That was new. He hadn't ever been one to use language like that.

She noticed that his breathing was heavier and raspy now as he began long, deep strokes. It was then she realized he was having a difficult time. He was getting frustrated. She drew her knee up a bit to try and give him better access, lightly bumped his ribs in passing and his unfocused gaze met hers.

Another curse.

"We can slow down..."

"It's fine." He insisted.

Despite what he said Rey could tell something was wrong. She slid her hands into his hair and pulled him down to kiss him gently, try and do something... anything for him. She wasn't sure how long he kept trying, but noticed that by now he was absolutely drenched in sweat.

"You can't... can you?" She asked carefully and he slowed down considerably at her words, tried for another few minutes and then he finally did give in and stop moving altogether.

"I'm sorry..."

"Am I-"

"No." He placed a kiss against the corner of her mouth. "Sweetheart, you feel so good and I want to so badly, but I just... can't. It isn't you. It's me."

With a final kiss he drew back from her and she winced a little as he separated from her. She painstakingly straightened her legs and brought them together. It was a little strange, a little awkward and a little uncomfortable.

"There's nothing I can do?" She wished that she could do something, but right now she was too afraid to touch him for fear of making things worse on him.

"No. I'm sorry."

"You keep apologizing."

He parted his lips and looked like he was about to apologize again, but then he immediately snapped his mouth shut and decided to be silent. He snatched up the blanket that had managed to make it's way to the bottom of the bed and pulled it up over his lap. It didn't make it less obvious, but it certainly made him feel less exposed. A little less embarrassed.

"I just need a minute."

"You feel guilty don't you?" She asked and he frowned slightly and glanced away. That was her answer. "You don't need to..."

"If we were to be caught... you would lose your apprenticeship because of me."

"Ben, I'm the one that came into your room and forced myself on you."

"Forced? Hardly..." He hadn't taken much convincing at all. He was a little ashamed of that in and of itself. "I... I've broken my oath. I let you break yours."

"Because of me." She couldn't bring herself to feel guilty about breaking one rule. Especially not a ridiculous rule like this. Falling in love with someone shouldn't be a crime.

"Because **_you_ ** felt guilty." That hit home. He wasn't wrong. She did come here because she felt guilty, but she had kissed him for another reason altogether. She let out a little breath. He really did know more than he let on. "And I took advantage of it."

"Don't... don't even act like I can't make my own decisions. You only took what I gave." It must have been her tone, because he immediately shrank back and didn't even try to put up an argument against her.

"I just... don't want there to be repercussions for you."

"There won't be. Nobody needs to know about this. It belongs between us. Not the council. Not Luke. Us." She watched as he folded his hands in his lap uneasily. At least he his problem had disappeared. She supposed his guilt had made that easy enough. She reached forward and placed her hand over his. "It's okay, Ben. I really do like you. We haven't done anything wrong."

"Can you stay...?" His voice was low and he looked guilty just for asking.

"I'll stay."

With just a minute or two of him trying to decide he finally made his choice and shifted close enough to her so that he could wrap his arms around her. A hug wasn't really what she was expecting from him, but he really was something else. Like a pond. Murky and impossible to see through on the surface. Underneath there were so many amazing things.

He was warm and comforting. She decided that... she could get used to this. She only hoped that she was going to be able to help him get over his fears and his guilt. No. She _vowed_ she would.

* * *

Author's Notes: Ben has a problem. It is a real thing actually called anorgasmia. It is often caused by psychological factors. In this case it's fundamentalism's sex-negativity.


End file.
